Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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