i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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