Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize