We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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