It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
