He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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