This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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