i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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