I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
