So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
