Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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