Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
