That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
