I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
