mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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