Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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