At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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