You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
