I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
