He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
