Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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