I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
