Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize