I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
