But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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