i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
