Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
