I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
they need to just BURY HIM!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
