and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think my moral compass just broke
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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