I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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