Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
