So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
