He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
