What did we do last night that was yellow?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
