So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
