8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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