I wish my penis had an off switch
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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