We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
