I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
