Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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