I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
