when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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