If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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