Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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