first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
