I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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