Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
