Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
