Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
