Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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