I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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