I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
