Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
