i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh god it's open bar.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
