So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
