the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
