Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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