Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
