Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
