So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize