Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
