Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
