yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
