my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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